In my Simplicity Parenting 101 classes, we spend a week exploring the idea of “Filtering Out the Adult World.” Most obviously, this includes lots of good conversation and exploration of screens, screentime, social media and new sources; additionally, we explore ideas around talking to our kids about things they aren’t developmentally ready for (emotional processing, nuanced social dynamics etc.) and just plain talking too much to our children.
In so many (most!) situations, less talking and more doing (or not-doing, or just plain modeling) is the way to connect with our children; and we need to connect before we have any hope of having an impact.
I am so glad to read the solid advice given (and backed up by good research) in this article about how parents should respond to their concerns about their child’s weight.
To sum up the findings:
1. Never comment on your child’s weight (I would take this further and keep comments – positive or negative – about any aspect of their physical appearance to a minimum).
2. Model healthy eating and exercise habits.
That’s it! If you find yourself getting hung up on your child’s weight, consider it your own issue, deal with it and find ways – every day – to let your child experience your warmth, delight in them and enjoyment of them, no matter what their size.
As usual, perfect timing! Just this morning I thought to myself, is my daughter fat? I would never discuss this with her, but I do appreciate the reminder that it is my issue. As far as not commenting, positive or negative, on their appearance, what about complements? I understand they shouldn’t be frequent. For example, if she really worked hard on braiding her hair all by herself, I’d like to tell her it looks nice. Thoughts?
Hi Sonja! So glad you commented and the timing is perfect! I think infrequent, well-thought-out compliments (like the one about hair braiding you mention) are totally appropriate; I was meaning that we should hold back from the running commentary on “being pretty” or “handsome” etc.