Let’s Talk about Time-Outs

Let’s talk about “time-outs” . . .* As mammals, attachment is our greatest need and our strongest drive, therefore, separation of any kind is what causes us the most distress. Separation, even anticipated separation, triggers our primal emotions, which are: frustration, alarm and pursuit. When we withdraw our presence from our child when they are…

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Attachment Roots Day 6: Being Known

Attachment Roots Day 6: Being Known. We’ve arrived at our final stop on our journey through the attachment roots. In the sixth year of life, the capacity to want to be fully known opens up. This is the age when it occurs to children that their parents don’t automatically know all their thoughts. If the…

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Attachment Roots Day 5: LOVE 💕

Day 5 of Attachment Roots: In the fifth year of life the capacity to attach through LOVE opens up. So tender, so vulnerable, the capacity to attach in this way requires a deep sense of safety. Four and five year-olds, if they move into this mode of attachment, are filled with hearts: drawings of hearts,…

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Attachment Roots Day 4: Significance

Welcome to day 4 of our journey down the attachment roots! The attachment root that we will explore today is where things can “go off the rails” as one of my colleagues at the Neufeld Institute describes it. This means that we are now getting into much more vulnerable territory than we have been in…

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Attachment Roots Day 3: Belonging/Loyalty

The possessiveness of the two-year-old is familiar to all of us (“MY mama!”) and is a sign of this attachment root in action. Loyalty to us can be seen when the child seeks to “protect” us from a perceived threat or when they announce that they will live with us “forever.” More importantly, though, is that…

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