Attachment Roots Day 6: Being Known

Attachment Roots Day 6: Being Known. We’ve arrived at our final stop on our journey through the attachment roots.

In the sixth year of life, the capacity to want to be fully known opens up. This is the age when it occurs to children that their parents don’t automatically know all their thoughts. If the conditions have been conducive to deep attachment, children don’t want to have anything that separates them from their caregivers; they want to be fully known from the inside out.

Attachment at this level looks like: sharing thoughts and feelings, making “confessions” and, simply, not wanting to hold in anything that could create a divide. This is what is sometimes called “psychological intimacy.”

When a child feels deeply known, and deeply loved in being deeply known, they are attached at this level. If we can create the conditions for our children so that they attach to us at this level, we give them a lifelong template for deep attachment. They will be much less likely to settle for anything less in their teen and adult relationships. What a gift.

Senses, Sameness, Belonging and Loyalty, Significance, Love and Being Known – these are the roots of Dr. Neufeld’s Six-Stage Developmental Model of Attachment.

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