So often parents come to my office or my classes perplexed and distraught about the difficulties they are having in parenting their child. “But I couldn’t love them more!” they often tell me; and it is clear that this is true. Lack of love from parent to child is never, thankfully, the issue for the parents I work with. These are parents who are taking parenting classes or who are working with a parent consultant; their love and care is clear. What we often don’t realize, however, is that what makes a parent-child relationship work in the way that Nature intended is not the parent’s love for their child but the child’s attachment to their parent.
I am certainly not going to say that parenting is easy; it isn’t. But it should not feel impossible. Some children are “easy to parent” in that they (generally): listen to their parents, look to their parents for cues, are well-behaved and appropriately cautious. Is this due to the skill of their parents? No. Due to the genetic makeup of that child? Nope. The parenting books that parent has read? Not a chance. The difference between a child who is difficult to parent and one who is (again, we’re talking generally here) easy to parent is how well-attached that child is. That is the key.
So when there are parenting challenges, this is always where we should start: by finding ways to increase your child’s attachment to you. Whether they are two or thirteen; this is the answer.
In The Vital Connection, we will spend eight weeks examining what is means to be attached and the specific nuances of how children are meant to attach to their parents (note: this is not about responding to your child’s wants, but rather understanding their needs). If you are struggling with parenting, or your child is struggling and you want to better support them, this class will transform your understanding and your approach. I hope you will join me!